


I miss you

by AnjuHime



Series: Bittersweet [2]
Category: Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: Friendship, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 14:20:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6569698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnjuHime/pseuds/AnjuHime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Endings aren’t always full of smiles and promises to meet up that end up becoming true. Sometimes is just that, the end of something good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I miss you

**Author's Note:**

> Hanjoo friendship (also couple if you try to see it)
> 
> I need to proof read this and maybe edit it more, so I'll probably edit it someday...  
> Thinking about it now, I'm afraid to read it because It'll just sound so nonsense! I'm sorry! :(
> 
> I need to write a new chapter for Timelines, but I still need to clean that timeline because the story is so confusing! I don't know what to do and I'm afraid I'll write something and it'll turn everything to the wrong way!

Nobody expected it. Well, that wasn’t the truth. Most of them knew it would happen one day, they just choose not to acknowledge it. The signs were all there for everyone to see, they just didn’t know when it would happen.

 

When something you like ends it will always leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

 

To be honest, deep down all of them always hoped they could turn the table. It had happened before, but they weren’t as lucky as their seniors. They didn’t have a fanbase like Block B had, the hope slowly dimmed until it was a candle running out, the flame almost invisible.

 

With the members leaving one by one, the ones who had the most talent in the group, and their fans getting fewer and fewer in number after every fansign… it was getting harder to dream of a bright future.

 

It wasn’t like they weren’t talented! They were - or so he thought,- but they couldn’t lie, those three took a really part of their soul as a group with them. It hurt. Even with them keeping contact, them leaving stuck a chord on them. Still, they did what they could to keep them all united, all close. They did more covers, opened accounts on the sns and talked more with the fans, tried to gain more visibility out there, but their korean fans were leaving… still… they hoped for the day where they would gain more popularity, more ToppKlass, more… more everything.

 

Still, it was all in vain.

 

Hansol… Hansol was the one who could get some fans from other fandoms curious about them, or at least, about him.

 

And so it was a surprise when he was the next one leaving.

 

_ Byungjoo thought he would be the last one, staying with Byungjoo himself, his best friend. Best friends to death, right? It was one of promises they did together. _

 

Byungjoo didn’t have anything else to fight for, he didn’t have another with, another dream. He said that before to their ToppKlass, no matter how embarrassing it was to admit such a thing - being an idol was his only dream and it was breaking little by little. He felt like he was a punching bag for someone else all over again - and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

 

Now, after a year, thinking back about that, the signs were there as well. Hansol was more distant as the time passed, and becoming worse after meeting the drag dancer from that crew, Mikey. From then on it was like a snowball falling down a mountain - he spent less time with them  _ (with him) _ , enjoying much more his time with the dancer, talking, sharing tips, commenting each other’s posts on instagram, becoming closer and closer as the days passed.

 

Maybe it wasn’t that big of a surprise that he left. 

 

But he still couldn’t shake those feelings off inside his chest.  _ Why? Why did you go? Why did you leave me here?  _ If there was someone he always expected to be beside him until the end it was Hansol. But that was an impossible dream the moment he heard the boy say those words.

 

_ His daily life looked so much more gray and cold from then on. _

 

Now, a year later, he couldn’t stop thinking about what he did wrong or what could have been. Maybe it was his fault, maybe if he had insisted more, if he had hugged Hansol more, gave him more attention, danced more with him, heard him when he wanted to discuss those topics, but he didn’t - so Hansol did what was the rational thing to do, he had found someone else, someone who would do all of that and more.

 

Byungjoo could feel so much regret inside, slowly eating him. Maybe this was all his fault. Maybe if he had tried harder… maybe,  _ maybe maybe! _ It had only been a year, but he knew it would only get worse from then on.

 

The ring from the door woke him up from the melancholic state he was. He had costumers to serve, those thoughts could wait until he was back in his small apartment, searching online from them - for what’s left of what was once a dream, a family.

 

A caramel macchiato and some smiles later, one could find Byungjoo in the same position as before. It was a slow day, and while most of the times that would mean a good and peaceful day, today it only meant that he didn’t have anything to distract his train of thoughts. A coffee shop full of customers meant he didn’t have or needed time to think of his problems, of his sad and meaningless life.

 

Leaning against the counter and closing his eyes, Byungjoo could see their faces, one by one, and their voices. He could remember their times together, training, laughing, eating - always together.  _ He could also feel warm hands around his waist, hugging him against that body he knew so well _ , and that brought tears to his eyes. He would not cry. He couldn’t. 

 

Yes, he missed them all. It had been a year after all. 

 

There’re always promises to keep contact, to meet up, but they all fall in vain ears. Someone always had something else to do, they were never together as a whole again. They slowly stopped texting each other, their group chat on kakao slowly fading to the background, the new messages becoming less as the months went by.

 

He sighed and looked at the clock. Two more hours before he could close up and leave for home.

 

It wasn’t like he really wanted to go home, he knew he would probably cry a river the moment he sat on his bed, but he had his laptop there - it was still working, a present from his beloved fans, the ones he could consider his friends, the ones who still didn’t forget about him, even if they moved on with their life as well, to other idols, to other groups. He was happy for them, he wanted them happy, but the jealousy was still there, dormant inside him.

 

Once he had his laptop he would search every corner of the internet for news on them, all of them - as if he didn’t do it every week or so; some habits are hard to break.

 

He knew he would most probably find something about Hyosang, maybe something about Jiho and his next fashion show, and if he was lucky, he could find something new about Hyunho or Sangwon… or maybe... 

 

Byungjoo shook his head. Yes, he would definitely find something about Hansol. He followed his dream, becoming a dance teacher, also famous for his makeup tutorials on his youtube channel, and also his collaborations. With who? It wasn’t hard to guess…

 

He sighed. He missed him. He missed the others as well, but he missed him the most, what they had, their bond. Maybe that was why he didn’t like Mikey, it was like he stole something from Byungjoo, something precious and unique. Something he could never have back… 

 

There he was, biting his lips again. He was used to the metallic flavour his blood had by now. He was thankful he didn’t need to be always looking pristine anymore - his lips, one of the things he was most proud of, were the ones always ending up being abused by him. It was another habit that he couldn’t kill.

 

He thought about sending them all a message. Would they still remember him? Would they ignore it? Answer it? Would they want to meet up or completely forget about that time they spent together? 

 

He could do it, he could. Nothing stopped him. But then he couldn’t. He was afraid of the answer to his questions. He wanted to believe they would answer, they would meet up just like old times, hit a karaoke bar and sing together as they did in the past, he was afraid those were also just dreams he had. To be honest, he didn’t want to believe that there wasn’t anything there anymore, no bond, no link between them.

 

It was probably the harsh truth, but he wanted to live in his fantasy for a tad bit longer. But that didn’t stop him from looking up with hope at the door every time the bell rang - it was probably very foolish of him to think they would all appear to say hi to him and invite him for a dinner together, as a group, as ToppDogg again, but it never happened.

And then the minutes turned into hours and he was home again, crying on his laptop, searching up his name, his ex-bandmates names, it felt like the old times again. But he did that, trying not to feel too down after not finding much. Nobody talked about them anymore, they were like dust, the nugus that never made it. Just another name to add to the list.

 

Hours turned into days and then into weeks, months, and another year came around. Just like the year before, another slow day full of sad thoughts about the past and an impossible future.

 

More days, more months, more years passed by and with each one the less he cried, the less he looked up on information about them.

 

Maybe this was it. Maybe this was moving on. He could only feel a dull ache on his heart now.

 

Maybe someday he would forget about them as well. 

 

Maybe.


End file.
